Eager Expectation

Making Room

2009-12-25T20:45:00.001-08:00

I wanted to write this before Christmas was over...and well...its 11:10 on Christmas night so I better hurry.

As Christmas approaches, we often stop and say "now let's remember the real reason for Christmas" and we teach kids "what Christmas is really all about". While it IS the reason we celebrate...I started wondering what other days of the year we make such an effort to include Jesus in our day.

Signs like "Jesus is the reason for the Season" are everywhere to remind us why we are able to celebrate Christmas day. I wish we could leave those signs up year-round. I wish I could drive around every month of the year and see signs with the reminder: "Jesus is the reason for TODAY" and always have the question on my mind "ok what is TODAY really all about?"

I was thinking about that as I sang "Joy to the World" at our Christmas Eve service last night. I sang part of the song that I hear every Christmas but never really think about:

"...let every heart prepare Him room

and heaven and nature sing..."

As heaven and nature sings, so should we prepare room in our hearts.

Sometimes making room isn't a big deal. Sometimes we have the space and we are willing to let Him in.

But sometimes there's not a whole lot of room and it takes a little effort to set aside everything we want to focus on. Things that are sometimes easier to focus on. Like our to-do lists, worries, certain people, work, our pride, you name it. Some mornings we are going to have to wake up and consiously think about making room in our hearts for our King.

So while Chrismas is over, let every heart prepare Him room, today, and every day.

:) Peace.

wisdom from mom....

2009-11-29T23:27:00.000-08:00

Probably a dozen times this year (okay maybe three times) my mom has reminded me to "stop and smell the flowers." Generally I laugh, think about it, then forget about it. But... as most mothers are.... she is right.... and I needed to hear it. I read this tonight from a book by Henri Nouwen:

"In many ways we are like the busy man who walks up to a precious flower and says:

'What for God's sake are you doing here? Can't you get busy in some way?'

and then finds himself unable to understand the flower's response:

'I am sorry, sir, but I am just here to be beautiful.'"

Nouwen went on to talk about our own inability to understand the flower's response because our focus on doing almost always outweighs our focus on being.

I dare you to just be sometime this week. It is goign to be hard. But just try it.

And take the advice from one of the smartest people I know....stop and smell the flowers :)

My Christmas List

2009-11-19T20:04:00.000-08:00

I promised someone I would write a blog during Thanksgiving break (which starts tomorrow) but my brain is pretty fried from everything going on these days and I am kind of lacking the creativity for a good blog. Soooo. Here is my Christmas list! I figured the things I am asking for for Christmas might be a good indicator of the things going on in my life.

1. Ipod player (I am getting a single room next semester and up to this point I have always used my roommate's speakers.)
2. Camera (Mine is somewhere in Cuba. I CANNOT believe that in January it will have been a year since I went on my Costa Rica adventure. SO crazy.)
3. Nice clothes (I student teach next semester, which kind of means real life, which kind of means I need to look nice every day. I wear jeans and a t-shirt pretty much every days so this is going to be a big change in lifestyle for me :)
4. Earrings (see #3)
5. Small silver chain necklace. I've seen a lot of girls wear a small silver necklace every day (no matter what they are wearing)....aaaand I kinda like it!
6. Lawn chair (prefferably two). Like those fold out cloth ones that soccer moms have. For baseball games, hanging outside, prolly a good thing to have, etc.
7. Danielle's Best Friendship. (I have people in my room all the time talking and hanging out. My friend Danielle saw my list on my desk so she decided to contribute this one).
8. Bocce ball. I like outside games.
9. A wooden box with a bunch of different flavors of tea. I've really gotten into tea lately. I just think one of these would be really cool so when I'm old I can have people over and let them choose their tea (even though lately my friends have confessed they really hate tea).
10. Very Sexy perfume from Victorias Secret. (no comment.)
11. Sharpies. You can never have enough Sharpies.

Don't get me wrong. I don't expect all this for Christmas. I don't expect any of it actually...I have more than enough right now. In fact this is the first real Christmas list I've made in like four years.
So that's whats going on! Life is getting pretty exciting considering I graduate in May. Hopefully I'll have exciting blogs to follow! Haha peace.

2009-09-04T22:28:00.000-07:00

We were given this reminder- it's called the Sabbath- some people call it Sunday- some people call it other things- but it's a reminder that we don't hold the universe together- God does. But you would never know it with all our running around trying to get to the bottom of our to-do list.
One of the biggest things I was looking foreward in coming back to school was living in the same place for more than three weeks (since it literally hasn't happened since December). I was looking foreward to unpacking, having a schedule, getting things done, and having a routine.

Routines are comfortable.

Routines let me know what is coming next, and put me in control.

But routines are not always good, Mark Batterson puts it best:

"Good routines become bad routines if we don't change
the routine. One of the greatest dangers we face spiritually is learning how and forgetting why."

So here is the challenge: change your routine this week. Wake up earlier, sleep in later, drive a different way, walk instead of drive, eat with someone new, start a book, change your workout, call someone every day just to talk, take a nap, go somewhere you havn't been in a while, spend your money differently, it doesnt have to be a drastic change (it can be if you want) but

do something different.

I guarentee when you change your routine you will see something different. You might remember why instead of just going about your day because well...its the same thing you have always done. I bet when you start remembering why you do things- your day becomes a lot more intentional- and you see things you never saw before. And I bet you realize you can schedule whatever you want, and make lists, but I bet you realize how much is actually going on around you that you have no control over. And I bet you realize your overwhelming need for your creator.

"Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the
reach of His grace. And you best days are never so good that you are
beyond the need of God's grace. Every day should be a day of relating to
God on the basis of His grace alone." -Jerry Bridges

2009-08-22T21:45:00.000-07:00

"You are not intended to be a spiritual zoo where people can look at God in you from a safe distance. You are a jungle where the Spirit roams wild and free in your life! You are the recipient of the God who cannot be tamed and of a faith must not be tamed. You are no longer a prisoner of time and space but a citizen of the Kingdom of God- a resident of the barbarian tribe. God is not a sedative that keeps you calm and under control by dulling your senses. He does quite the opposite. He awakens your spirit to be truly alive...you are most fully alive when you're on an adventure with God." -Erwin Raphael McManus from The Barbarian Way

In other words:

Jesus said in John 10:10 "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

This summer has been quite the journey…quite the adventure. It is interesting I say that after returning from a foreign contry where I bathed in rivers, rode donkeys, spoke a different language, and was far from anything familiar for 4 months. Yes- that was a journey-but this summer was an adventure in itself.

It was, and still is, an adventure of putting the pieces back together. There is a reason I didn’t write a lot about what I was thinking this summer- mostly because I had no idea what I was thinking. Everything I ever believed was questioned in Costa Rica. I had to seriously wrestle with everything I was once so confident in- and things I always promised myself were non-negotiables.

For example- Jesus. I educated myself to the point that I began seriously questioning whether Jesus really is the only way. One of those foundational things we shouldn’t DARE question…right? But I did- and that is just one example. While I never thought for a second about walking away from my faith all together- I had some serious wrestling to do. If I am honest- I still have a lot to work through- a lot of pieces to put back together. It’s part of the adventure that isn’t always fun- but I think this is part of the adventure that makes me stronger for what comes next.

In a time when I don’t know much about anything…and I am not quite sure about what I believe…here is what I know…and this is sometimes the ONLY thing I can say with confidence: My life is very full. I have been given life. Not just breathing oxygen in and out type of life because every human can do that…but REAL life- FULL life- a life that makes me loose my breath sometimes because I couldn’t have dreamed of this. That is all I know. And I am starting to realize maybe that is how Jesus wants me to find him again- through life and life to the fullest.

Life is an adventure for me. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

since it looks like i wont be getting married in college...

2009-08-01T21:22:00.000-07:00

For some reason I couldn't get to sleep (probably because I am still in awe of how lucky the Cubs got tonight). So I decided what better to do than write a blog informing the entire world of my hopes and dreams.

I am starting to get really freaked out about the "So what are you doing when you graduate?" question. I don't know yet. But here are a list of things I am thinking about/ would absolutely do if the opportunity arose:

(In no particular order)
1. Teach for America
2. Work with CIY Missions as a Program Coordinator
3. Something with International Justice Mission
4. Coach high school volleyball
5. Teach ESL in an urban area
6. Live with my bff Jenny
7. AmeriCorps or some other 1 or 2 year program that puts off getting a real job
8. Something with Spanish- I don't know what
9. I mean... at some point I would like to get married
10. Retirement= open a coffee shop and hang out.

There is also the chance that I won't end up doing any of those things (except for the get married part and the coffee shop part...I'm really hoping for those).
And that is okay.
Up to this point God has given me a pretty adventurous life that I love...so I think I'm okay leaving things up to Him.

Arranged Marriage, Brothers, Cakes and Coffee Shops

2009-07-27T10:56:00.000-07:00

Since I dedicated my last post to the Wolf family and I thought I might start a new Blog tradition and dedicate posts to people. So this one goes out to my bff Jenny. Right now Jenny is in the place she loves more than anywhere else on Earth- Pondo Camp in California. My friend Justin tooke her to St.Louis to catch her plane so I dedicate this post to Justin Alderman as well. And I can't dedicate it to Justin without dedicating it to Sam Moses- growing up Sam and Justin were pretty much the only boys my age that were striving to be men of God and that I could look up to. Thanks Guys.

So CIY was great. Working at those conferences is one of my favorite thing to do ever.
I am home for the next three weeks trying to get in shape for volleyball, finish my correspondence class, and spend time with people from home.

Here is the topic for the day: arranged marriage. I guarentee my mom is laughing as she reads this.

What if we suddenly joined parts of South Asia and the Middle East and started having arranged marriages? I realize culture over there has a very different view of women which should be taken into account... but what would dating be like if you could only date someone your parents set you up with? Who would your parents choose? What awkwardness would it get rid of? What would be bad about it? What would you say on the first date?

Hahaha just a thought.

Topic #2: High school boys. I live with one. Don't get me wrong he is a great guy (he is tall and cute and single!) but sometimes I think he has himself convinced that he knows everything about everything. Yesterday he was trying to talk my mom into letting him get a tattoo and he started to ramble off something about history (he really didn't know what he was talking about) and how tattoos are more than just a fad...
Anyway. He wouldn't drop it so I got up and punched him. It's a sad day when your little brother is bigger and stronger than you and can very quickly throw you over his shoulder.

Speaking of brothers....I went on a bike ride with my other brother last night. It was the first time I've been on a bike in five years but it was great! Maybe i'll take up biking later in life.

I also have this secret (not anymore) dream of being a cake decorator. Like wedding cakes or whatever. Thought it might be fun. I also decided instead of retiring I want to open a cute little coffee shop when I'm old.

This whole blog is probably more than you wanted to know. Haha. Maybe next time I'll get serious and make some theological arguement or talk about socialism or something....

Angie is eating ice.

2009-07-12T19:45:00.000-07:00

Today I was told that I need to update my blog. So this is just for you Betsy. And for Jude because I got to hold him today and he is so cute and I think he loves me. And I guess if I include Jude I have to include Bill....So I dedicate this blog post to the Wolf Family. Congratulations.

Today I played sand volleyball with Anyssa and Dustin and some of their friends and I was really nervous at first but it ended up being really fun and I miss volleyball and I can't wait till the season starts.

I should have given up the third time I tried to plan this summer because it's turning out nothing like I expected. Ummm I put in my two weeks at Target (so I will have been there for a total of 4 paychecks). Don't get me wrong- I actually really liked working there. Im going to CIY for a week (maybe 2) then going home for the rest of the summer. Im so excited about it too.

Last week I house/dog sat. I learned that I never want a dog in life. It was a great dog...but I just don't want one...Im not a huge fan....does that make me a bad person?

And I DEFINATELY don't want cats. EVER.

I am sharing an apartment with my friend Angie right now. She decided there was nothing good to eat in the kitchen so she is now sitting on the couch eating ice. Weird.

A lot of times I forget I was just in Costa Rica for 4 months. Its feels so much like a dream and like it never happened.

My roommate got engaged! That will be my third roommate in a row where I am there last roommate before they get married. Hooray for wedding plans!

I'm watching Dead Poets Society for the first time. It's great. I decided that Dead Poets Society is the boy version and Mona Lisa Smile is the girl version of pretty close to the same movie. I LOVE them both a lot.

Tomorrow I am going for my second attempt at Gallo Pinto (the rice and bean mix from Costa Rica). Buenos suerte a mi.

I have one semester left of real college (then a semester of student teaching). That's weird. I'm not old enough for that.

I have two new favorite songs: "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas and "Waking Up In Vegas" by Katy Perry

Thanks to everyone who still reads this! Love ya!

RIP

2009-06-20T21:21:00.001-07:00

I got a TON of my hair cut today. 10.5 inches to be exact. I didn't even know my hair was that long. I kind of freaked out a little bit when she cut the entire pony tail off. I mean I know it will grow back but....my long hair has been with me through a lot. Yes, I've gotten hair cuts....but I thought I would take a little time in rememberance of where that hair has gone with me. RIP.

54 volleyball games
20 trips from Bloomington, IL to Knoxville, TN
18 different states
16 CIY conferences
4 semesters of college
3 hikes in the Smokey Mountains
2 friend's weddings
2 inner-City girls volleyball championships as coach
1 year of class presidency
1 U.S. presidential election
1 5K run on Thanksgiving day
1 21st birthday
Costa Rica
Nicaragua
Cuba
Life in an apartment by myself
A cashier at Target

I completely copied and pasted this from Mike Baker's blog. I did not make it up or find in on my own.

2009-06-16T12:36:00.000-07:00

If I'm contagious and I sneeze, but no one is around; they won't get what I've got.
AND
If I'm not contagious and I sneeze all over a bunch of people; they won't get what I don't have.

for those still interested

2009-06-12T17:40:00.000-07:00

I havn't updated this in a while- I don't really have a reason either. I am living in Knoxville this summer and loving it. I'm working at Target, helping two Muslim girls from Africa get ready for an English test, and hanging out with my friends.

Tonight I layed out on a hammock and got the crazy idea to go back and read my journals from last semester. It was the first time I've actually let myself sit and think about where I've come since my time in Latin America. I laughed at some things that I forgot about...and I cried about some things I missed. But I forgot I wrote this journal on the plane back to Miami:

"4-21 El fin
I just took off from Latin America. In 2 hours ill be back to the U.S.- back to extreme capitalism, consumerism, wealth, poverty, and all the people I love most. It's one of the most bittersweet things I've ever gone through. I've wanted to cry a lot because I dont want who Ive become to change. Im not very confident things will stick when I get back to the small world of Johnson Bible College where stupid things are analyzed and important things are ignored or covered up. I want my heart to stay in the place it is here...and I want to be who I am here: a hippie who loves peace, a fighter for those without a voice, a critic of the norm, a student, a 21 year old who loves to laugh, someone who forgives, a listener, proud of my country, a fan of socialism, and more.
The past 4 months already feel like a dream. Before my Papa (grandpa) died he said "so very much as happened," and sometimes that is all I feel like I can say. Good and bad as happened. Things I regret and things I want to remember forever. They happened and I am so thankful. I said in another journal that some of the greatest moments I had here are the ones I won't be able to explain. I'll talk about them as best as I can to the few people who actually care. And ill keep my eyes open for moments that bring me back to those 'sentidos'..."

2009-05-25T06:54:00.000-07:00

I learned that crazy bizarre things don't just happen in other countries.

The other day my friend Kyle and I were driving to Pigeon Forge and I had my hand/arm out the window (so the wind would make it go up and down....you've done it before). All of a sudden a bird came and smacked against my hand. Actually I am not positive it was a bird...but it had feathers. Needless to say, my hand stung for a little bit.

So weird. How many people do you know have gotten hit by a bird?

Love is Patient

2009-05-22T21:13:00.000-07:00

It might take a second to load...but you've gotta see this. It was shown in my educational technology class and during my final seminar class in Costa Rica. It's crazy. CLEARLY patience is more difficult now than ever before in history.(there IS sound)

*Patience means watching and listening when you think you already know the situation.
*Patience means a change in pace.
*Patience challenges your trust in God. "Impatience is a form of unbelief. It's what we begin to feel when we start to doubt the wisdom of God's timing or the goodness of God's guidence."
*Patience lets someone else be first. Even if you think you deserve it.
*We often put "peace" and "patience" together. But times of patience are hardly peaceful. Just sit in a hospital waiting room for a little bit.
*Patience acts out faith. It makes you think "I might be wrong about all this".
*In commentaries the love of patience means "a love that never gives up" or "love suffers long" or "an enduring love" or "slow to become resentful".
*Patience is a choice. This means love is a choice...
*Patience when someone doesn't deserve it. If it was patience when they did deserve it, it wouldn't be grace or love.
*"Hurry kills everything. From compassion to creativity"
*I think patience is scary to us. We are so quick to react because we don't want to appear as if we've been walked all over or taken advantage of.

amor por el amor mismo

2009-05-15T06:02:00.000-07:00

I've decided to become a vegitarian for the summer. Inspired by my close friend Jenelle and some friends in Costa Rica...I figured this summer would be the perfect time to start. My reason? Don't really have one yet. I thought it might make me eat healthier. I also thought it might save money? I don't really know. But I gave up meat and pop.

I've also decided to do a little study by myself this summer. You know that verse in 1st Corinthians that is read at just about every wedding you've ever been to? The "Love is patient, love is kind..." one? What a tragedy that this verse has become almost cliche, because it answers the most important question in my life. What is love?
The Bible says that God is love...and to know love is to know God...so what is love? How do I love like Jesus loves, like God loves...love like the Bible talks about? It's a very different love than what Cosmo, Tila Tequila, and Dr. Phil talk about. I think it even looks different than many churches talk about.
I learned this really cool phrase in Costa Rica that said "amor por el amor mismo" which means "love for the sake of love". That is exactly how I want to love...without condition, without an adgenda, without guilt. I want to love because love is enough.
So from now until school starts I will be going through a different part of that passage every week (for example this week I am studying how "love is patient").
So that's my next journey. Hopefully i'll be able to share some cool things I found.

I'm also working at Target this summer and helping out with a ministry for the Spanish-speakers of Knoxville. So I'm excited about that.

"Near...Far....Wherever You Are...."

2009-05-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

Here is a random piece of information: everyone in the world knows that song by Celine Dion from Titanic. Even places where people don't know basic geography of the world...they know every word to “My Heart Will Go On”.

I'm home! I've been here for about a week (about to head down to Knoxville for the summer) and it has been really crazy to get back into this culture again. Here are some of the things I've faced getting back into the states:

I am incapable of making decisions in the grocery store. Have you ever looked at how many types of toothpaste there are? Its obscene!! The other day I just stood there like a little kid for about five minutes staring at all the different options of deodorant.

I get annoyed when people say "So you're really good at Spanish now right? Speak Spanish to me! Just say something!"

I got to sit in the kitchen with my best friend Jenny the other day and just talk. I loved it. It proved to me that I don't HAVE to go anywhere or do anything all the time. Just sitting and being with people is one of the best things I can do.

I am trying to figure out how to incorporate the lessons I learned (the ones that I listed in the previous post) in my life here. It is hard when things are so fast paced and I have to get organized again.

Sometimes I get really frustrated when I can't figure out what to say about things that happened while I was gone. There are some things that I just can't put into words and its hard. Most people just expect crazy stories and that's it. But so much more happened and it goes so much deeper...but it is sometimes so hard to explain.

I realized I have way too much stuff. I'm getting rid of a lot.

Sometimes (a lot of times) I feel guilty for leaving. Leaving for school, leaving the country, all of it. Especially after being in a culture where no one leaves...and people live with their same friends and families forever. But my spirit loves these kinds of adventures and I think that is okay. It makes me so happy when no matter where I go or how long I've been gone, people are so excited to see me and welcome me when I get back.

So all in all...I think this stuff is normal...I am still processing a lot....I am excited for the summer....and for those of you who only tuned into my blog for my trip thanks for reading!! Knowing that people were reading this made me SO happy!! But you might want to stay tuned for a little while considering my next adventure in life includes me driving down to Knoxville with all my stuff...homeless and unemployed :-)

¡Habana, acá yo vengo!

2009-04-15T10:09:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not I am wrapping this adventure up in the next 15 days. It's unreal. I sat down the other day to write out the major things I have learned about life, God, people, etc. during my time in Latin America. These things were planted in me because of something I've seen, conversations I've had, or other experiences. They go deep and I am going to be thinking about them for a long time. Most of all these are the things I really want to stick when I come back. It might seem like a random list and I definitely don't expect everyone to understand them all. But here they are...the 15 major lessons from my semester in Latin America:

1- You don't know everything. You can't control everything. You are going to mess up. It is okay.

2- God is bigger than religion.

3- Ask good questions. Is what you are asking small? Does it really matter?

4- “How can I love my neighbor?” is a good question. Do it. Be creative.

5- Be a learner for the rest of your life.

6- Don't make a single judgment until you have seen things from their perspective.

7- Stand for justice, peace, and dignity in your words and actions.

8- Tranquilo.

9- Take risks. Also take time to dream.

10- Integrity and authenticity go hand in hand.

11- What I buy and the amount I buy effects others.

12- Listen to people first.

13- Drink coffee and have a lot of snacks.

14- Sometimes charity gets in the way.

15- I'm not supposed to live overseas for an extended period of time (I think I need to elaborate on this one). I have always thought about doing missions, or joining the peace corps, or doing something where I have to move overseas. But it's not for me. I think I can be the most effective doing whatever I do within my country. I am not saying I will never leave the country...short term trips are great...I could even do a 4 month thing again. I am talking about picking up and living there. I was not expecting to learn this at all- and who knows- it might change...but I don't really think it will.

That's all. If you have questions hold them till I get back. I would love to talk about it. You should all watch Dirty Dancing Havana Nights in memory of me this week. Also be warned- expect a political blog for the next one. It will probably be written after my seminars on Cuban history, politics, and my initial reaction of Cuban life.

¡Nos vemos pronto!

It is REALLY Latino here.

2009-04-10T08:42:00.000-07:00

“They teach me that being is more important than doing, the heart is more important than the mind, and doing things together is more important than doing things alone” -Henry Nouwen (This is exactly the life I have been learning in Latin America, and life I want to bring back home with me).

It has been a while since I've been able to get online but it has been so great at the same time. The past couple weeks have been so relaxing, so refreshing, and exactly what I have needed at this point. Life is so slow here but it is so great. I live in the middle of a coffee field with a river and mountains and it is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of beautiful places.

It is really ethnic...if that makes sense. Everything you ever imagined that is ¨Latino¨its here...and I am starting to fit into it all...so when I come back...if you see a girl that looks and talks and acts like Shakira...its just me. haha.

I like the school I work in, and I am getting used to teaching and grading papers in Spanish. The other day my supervisor came to see how I was doing and he stopped me in the middle of conversation to ask me if I realized I was speaking fluently. While a lot of people have a lot of definitions of “fluency” it was so encouraging to hear that.

I do a lot of nothing when I am not at the school. It gets boring and there have been times that I have gotten really lonely...but like I said...I think it has been really good for me. It has been so refreshing to be absolutely away from everything. I play outside with my “cousins” a lot, we go to the river, and run through the coffee fields (there are five of them under the age of nine). The other night I had a dance party with them. It was sweet.

We didn't have school for an entire week because I was here during “Semana Santa” which is like Easter all week. It is one of the most important times of the whole year, and we eat a lot of food that is special to this week. We also go to Mass a lot. A LOT.

I have an 19 year old hose sister named Estephany who has been so great. She has made me feel so at home because she pretty much just makes fun of me a lot. I also have a really cute host brother named Diego who is 23 but only comes to the house on the weekends because he goes to school in San Jose. He is an English major but works as an accountant for a business. He asked me if I dance...I told him I am learning....he said that we can practice later....I am really hoping that happens.

Showers are freezing. I decided that warm showers should be on the list of human rights. Bathing in the river in Nicaragua was better than freezing cold showers.

I can't believe that this journey is almost done. After I return to San Jose (April 15th) I have three days to pack everything up, get last minute stuff, and head to Cuba. Which I'll be honest, I have been looking forward to Cuba more than anything this whole trip.

I have been thinking about home a lot (home as in Bloomington and Knoxville) which may or may not be a good thing. I still have time here and I need to soak up every moment I can.
Love you all a lot!
Molly

If you don't read any of the above...read this...it is another quote from Henry Nouwen that I loooove and puts into words exactly what has been going through my head:
“You must make the connection between prayer and life. The closer you are to the heart of God, the closer you come to the heart of the world, the closer you come to others. God is a demanding God, but when you give your heart to God, you find your heart's desires. You will also find your brother and sister right there. We're called always to action, but that action must not be driven, obsessive, or guilt-ridden. Basically, it's action that comes our of knowing God's love. You want to be with the poor because with them you're not trying to please the world and be accepted.
That's my big inner struggle: to be so convinced of God's love that I don't need all these human affirmations. I want to enjoy being with people and not be anxious over whether they like me or not. I believe if I'm drawn to the heart of God, then I'm free to really care for people without wanting anything in return. Our spirituality should come from living deeply with the poor. A spirituality of being with vulnerable people and of being vulnerable with them- that's the great journey!”

2009-03-30T14:02:00.000-07:00

I had to (help) teach human reproduction to a 5th grade class.
In Spanish.
The End.

2009-03-25T08:14:00.000-07:00

I made it to my concentration! I am in the middle of the mountains and it is absolutely beautiful but COLD. I got on the wrong bus yesterday morning that dropped me off on the side of a mountain with a pay phone and a sign with the town I was supposed to be going to. The bus was supposed to take me to the entrance of the school I would be working in. So I started walking (with all my bags) on a windy road through the mountains. I kind of felt like I was in a movie because I had no idea where I was or how long the walk was going to be to the town. After about 30 minutes (that seemed like 3 hours), the real bus stopped and picked me up. So I made it!
I live with a really big family...but it is grandpa and grandmas house so the kids and grandkids are always in and out. The family grows their own coffee so I am really seeing the whole process. I work in the public school in town doing pretty much whatever they need me to do. This morning I graded science papers...in Spanish...yikes. But now I am writing a letter for the director of the school...and great news- he said I can use the school´s internet...it is pretty much the only internet in town.
Everyone in the town is Catholic and we say the Lord´s Payer and Hail Marys before school starts in the morning. Try that in a public school in the states haha. So overall things are good..I had a great (SHORT) time with my parents while they were in San Jose and I loved showing them around!
I honestly kind of hope the next 3 weeks go fast...but we´ll see what is in store with this part of the journey. Thanks again for all the prayers! I say it all the time but I am so luck to have so many incredible people in my life. I really miss you all a lot! Ill be home soon!
Molly

The Best in the Rica

2009-03-23T16:43:00.001-07:00

Chikys are the best food in Costa Rica. I don't want to know how much weight I have gained from these cookies.

Cafe Britt is not the brand we drink at home, and it is sometimes known as the "tourist coffee". However even the locals say it is the best. Organic of course.

2009-03-20T12:30:00.000-07:00

I decided I never want to stop being a student. Maybe that means grad school, maybe not, but I never want to stop learning. I also decided that the more you learn, the more you realize you don't know anything.

The past two months I have been given dozens of views on life, God, love, values, and everything else. No one has asked me to choose which one I believe and no one has claimed that their view is the only way. But there have been points in the semester that someone has challenged nearly everything I believed and at one point felt so strongly about. Their views carry weight and validity, and the only thing I can do is take them for what they are and be in scripture more than ever before (I learned this thanks to a very good friend). An overriding lesson I have learned is that nothing in me has the right to measure anyone or judge their faith. Neither do you. Please remember that.

If you get the time, read Matthew 7:1-6. It is part of the Sermon on the Mount I have grown up reading...and I think I have been reading it completely wrong. It does not just mean you don't judge people when they do something or say something “wrong.” Because I think we judge people when we are trying to help them. In the case of cross -cultural missions (remember that we face a cross of cultures within the United Sates) we judge to help people because “What I need, they need.” But there is something wrong with this. 1. They might not need it or 2. When we are so caught up in deciding what WE think people need, we are not listening/seeing what they actually need. We come up with our own idea of the Gospel and decide it should be the same for everyone in the world. We move in to impose our view of the Gospel on another culture and the plank in our eye does not permit us to see that God has been working in so many ways in that culture already.

We get so caught up in deciding who is serving a different God than we are, as if we are able to measure God. To my Johnson family: stop getting caught up in what is the best/right way to worship/preach. Those things are so small! To everyone: stop thinking you know what everyone needs, or what everyone else thinks, or why they do things they do, or why they say they do what they do. Stop thinking you know everything and listen to them, live with them, learn from them...you might find that God is working in them too- just a little bit differently than you have seen him before.

If none of that makes sense just read these...actually if it does make sense read these anyway:
The Limits of Charity by David Hilfiker
To Hell with Good Intentions by Ivan Illich
I am definately open for arguements and comments on these, I am still making up my mind about them!

Also: I leave Monday to start my concentration work/field experience where I will live with a family in the mountains and work at a school. I have absolutely no idea what the conditions are like and whether or not I will have access to the internet. So if you don't hear from me for a long time, don't freak out... I get back April 15th..

I left my Chucks in Nicaragua.

2009-03-13T19:07:00.000-07:00

I've just returned from another life changing adventure that was as influential (if not more) that my Kenya experience. I am going to be processing for a long time because the last two weeks have been among the most mentally/emotionally challenging weeks of my life. I have a lot of crazy adventure stories that I am going to share- but know that these stories are very much on the surface of everything. The pictures and themes and experiences of this week go a lot deeper than I can sometimes share in words and pictures. I will try my best to share as these things become more clear in my mind.

**We split up in groups of 4 students and my group had to take an 8 hour bus ride, followed by a 2 hour ride in the back of a truck, followed by an 1.5 hour donkey ride. We were REALLY in the middle of no where.

**Nicaragua has had so many government problems and the entire country is just really really poor. They are now living under a “dictator-ish”....he technically isnt...but he is kind of....and no one likes him.

**I lived in a wood house, dirt floor, wood/concrete oven, we bathed and washed our clothes in the river, and I went to the bathroom anywhere outside I wanted. No electricity, no water.

**The first day my 13 year old sister asked if I slept alone in the United States. I said yes, not really understanding why she asked that. She nodded her head and looked down at her food. It finally clicked with me that she was giving me her bed for the week. One I realized it I told her that she was welcome to sleep in the bed with me and she smiled and was sooo happy. Later that week the girl looked at her food, looked up at me, and told me thank you for the food. The money I gave them for hosting me for the two weeks also provided them the best meals of their entire life. That is not an exaggeration.

**My morning chore was to grind three pounds of corn, add water, then grind it again. I then shaped the dough and put it over the fire to make tortillas.

**These people are in survival mode- so education is not really important. They really have NO knowledge of the outside world. My friend went to the river to bathe and his dad asked him why he didn't know what to do. He asked “So do you bathe in a bigger river than this in the United States?”

**They share everything. If it is yours- it is everybody's. I found out later in the week that my sister and brother had gone through my backpack and found the pepto bismol at the bottom.

**We went to bed at 7 and woke up at 3:30 to start chores.

**I lived in poverty for two weeks. I wasn't there to do “normal mission trip things” like build a house or do a VBS. I was there to live among the oppressed, and see their life first hand. It puts a completely different spin on things when you are actually able to communicate to the people.

Okay, that is all I am going to write for now. I will write other things as I think of them. Overall it was such a beautiful experience. Absolutely beautiful and the family I lived with will be close to my heart for a long time. It changed the way I think about a lot of things- again things I can't really put into words yet. But I was healthy for the most part and safe- so THANK YOU for all your prayers and encouragement. I sometimes don't know how I would get through some things without all the wonderful people I have in my life. I am so blessed.

Just have to share....

2009-02-22T12:44:00.000-08:00

I thought that was going to be my last blog for a while...but I realized I havn't shared this yet...and I think it is worth sharing.

Every Sunday after church we go out for Chinese.
The place is run by a mom, a dad, and their teenage son.
We get chicken wings and french fries at the Chinese place.
And if you get rice...you load it with ketchup.
They serve us on Sesame Street counting plates.
The restaurant is decorated for Christmas.
To get the worker's attention people yell "Ay..Chino!". This is the equivalent of us yelling "Hey Chinese man!"
I started laughing and my mom said it is perfectly normal to call them that. Then she asked me...."Well...what do you call them?"
I didn't have an answer for her.

Every Sunday.

FYI

2009-02-21T10:41:00.000-08:00

This is my last week in San Jose until March 13th or 14th. It is also probably my last week of internet access till that time. I will be in Nicaragua and for two weeks living with a family and studying the culture. Those two weeks are going to be a journey in itself. Nicaragua is not only the poorest country in Central America, but it follows closely behind Haiti in being one of the poorest in the Western Hemisphere. I am excited and nervous and again ask for prayers for health and safety. When I get back (my birthday week and the week my parents come!!) I have a week off before I go off for my concentration.

Anyway...Aside from a paper and a group project I don't have much to do this week so shoot me an e-mail or try to catch me on Skype or something! Like I said- it might be a couple weeks before I can get back online!

Pura Vida!

Pura Vida

2009-02-18T08:23:00.000-08:00

**The most common phrase used around here (and one that is native to Costa Rica) is "Pura Vida". Literally it means "pure life" but they use it here to mean "life is good!" or "everything is great!" or "take it easy-life is good". Everywhere you go you when you ask people how they are doing "pura vida" is the normal response. It is the perfect phrase to describe life here. For the most part everyone is "tranquilo", relaxed, and living life.
**I went to the US Embassy on a field trip, and a professor (from CR) and I were talking in the lobby. He was telling me about thebad process for Costa Ricans to get a visa (it takes like six months and they usually don't even give them out). Right as he said that a man from the embassy walked out from behind a door (from a different part of the building) to tell us that it actually takes one month. The entire room was being watched and every convo was being listened to.....creeeepy.**I went to Manuel Antonio last weekend to go to the beach. I was pretty sick the whole time and couldn't really enjoy it. Also we flooded the entire hostel at three in the morning. But the beach was pretty...it was my first time in the Pacific!
**Three times in the past two weeks I have been up all night sick. I went to the doctor and got a shot and some meds. and I am feeling better (my profs think it was like a parasite or something like that...gross I know). The problem is - I didn't understand the doctor when he told me what was wrong with me.
**I was recently challenged by a couple quotes in some reading I had for a class. Hope they make you think:

"If you are neutral in a situation of injustice,
you have chosen the side of the oppressor.
If and elephand has his foot on the tail of a mouse,
and you said you are neutral,
the mouse will not appreciate you neutrality."
-Desmond Tutu, bishop of the Church
of the Province of South Africa

"The guarentee of one's prayer
is not in saying a lot of words.
The guarentee of one's petition is very easy to know:
how do I treat the poor?
Because that is where God is.
The degree to which you approach them,
and the love with which you approach them,
or the scorn with which you approach them,
that is how you approach your God.
What you do to them, you do to God.
The way you look at them is the way you look at God."
-Archbishop Oscar Romero (a leader with the
human rights campaign during military oppression
in El Salvador in the 1970's)